, , , , , ,

I started this blog as a means to bleed. A way to get my emotions out. The pain you feel after your spouse cheats can’t be put into words. Its gut wrenching. It takes your breath away. It makes you sick to your stomach. The betrayal makes you question everything. The world you knew no longer exists. You don’t know who you are. You definitely don’t know who you married. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I vowed to myself from the start that I won’t let his affair destroy me. From day one, I decided I will face this, as painful as it is. I will face the pain. I will feel the anger. I will grieve. And I will move on. I will move forward. I will be stronger. Wiser. More confident. More independent. Happy. Fulfilled. No matter what. I will be okay.

My focus is shifting. I’m moving forward. I’m not getting stuck here. I’m not getting stuck in post affair hell. I refuse to. My focus in on me. To love myself. To take better care of myself. To nurture myself. We become wives and mothers and forget about ourselves. Its not selfish to take time for yourself. To have a life outside of being a wife and a mother. Its healthy! Its necessary.

I joined a book club. I’m taking a cooking class. I joined a boxing class at my gym. I’m going out with some friends next weekend. I’m taking a girls trip in May. I have plans to do a painting class, snowboarding lessons, repelling. I am choosing at least one new experience each month.

My therapist has given me a challenge. Any time I start to ruminate and think about his affair, her, the pain, etc – I am to do something good for myself. It could be take a long bath, get a message, get my nails done, go for a walk, read a book, go for a drive. Whatever I need to do to get the focus off of him and his affair and put it back on me.

Its a big change and will take practice and time. And more changes are coming. My focus in life -and in this blog – will no longer be centered around my husband’s affair. It will be about the positive changes I’m making in my life to overcome the pain I’ve experienced. How I’m reinventing myself. It will be about empowerment, building myself up. Being enough just as I am.

I came across this song recently. It really speaks to me. I find it motivational. Promising. I will be okay. I truly believe that.