• About

healingafterhisaffair

~ Finding peace and healing after an affair

healingafterhisaffair

Monthly Archives: May 2015

The Devil’s In The Details

22 Friday May 2015

Posted by hopingtoheal in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

I still have a few details that haunt me. I think its the source of most of my angst. It fuels my anxiety. My doubt. It creeps back in when I’m starting to feel more secure. When I start moving forward and leaving the past behind. I think in some ways its natural instinct. My brain reminding me of what else could be out there. What else could go wrong.

Details. There are several “circumstantial evidence” type details that I’ve uncovered along this journey. On their own, nothing major. All added up, they add to my fears. It seems like too much to just ignore. I realize that facts and details are simply that. Facts and details. They only gain power when I attach my emotions to them. When I attach my perception to them. And my perception isn’t necessarily reality.

I feel like I’m on a teeter totter. On the one side, these details bug the living shit out of me. I feel like they are proof of something bigger. More lies. I attach my logic to the details and think there is no other possibility. Then I get to the other side and feel like perhaps the details aren’t what they seem. That I’m trying to make sense of a situation that just doesn’t. I’m trying to solve a puzzle and the pieces don’t fit. It doesn’t mean he’s been dishonest about these details. I’m thinking and reacting from a defensive position. Trying to be proactive and find any other lies still lingering out there.

Its exhausting and not getting me where I want to be. Two women have recently posted their thoughts and realizations that have resonated with me. Their words remind me that every thought, emotion, action I have is a choice. Yes, my husband’s actions have scarred me. But they don’t define me. They don’t even define him. I know good people are capable of horrible things. I know people are capable of great change. I know, because I’ve lived that life. I’ve done horrible things  – I’ve had an abortion. Hell, I considered a second one with this pregnancy. I’m also capable of change and have changed my life drastically over the last year.

From Life.Post.Affair.

You don’t have to hurt forever. If you have a partner willing to do the work with you, and a desire to see your marriage continue and even thrive, you can pursue that future. Fuck the bad stuff that happened. Fuck the details. If you can get over the fact that you may never receive a satisfying answer to the questions of why the affair happened (because there is no justification for that kind of betrayal), then you can come back from it. 

I will never say I’m grateful for the affair. Never. But I am grateful that we took this mess of a situation, and came out the other side not only intact, but whole. The trying times in life, they either break you or they allow you an opportunity to reinvent yourself. To invest in a future you may have been too scared to pursue before.

From Owlieme

The one thing I felt was consistently holding me back was my desire to have full and explicit truth, even though I may have already had it. So I made a conscious decision, I decided to actively watch the things my husband did do instead of searching for the things I suspected he might do, but I couldn’t prove. I have relinquished my need for total knowledge of his affair, I may have it already, I may never get it, but quite honestly if I keep searching I’ll never be satisfied.

Affairs are tragic. They tear down the very fabric of your being. What you thought you knew was real. It seems like a dark, bottomless pit that you can never get out of. But, with the right attitude and some hard work – you can see the light again. You can live a happy and fulfilled life again (or for the first time). The good thing about being shattered and broken is that you get to chose how you rebuild yourself. And your marriage. You can build the type of relationship you always wanted and deserved. Its take alot of work. And two willing partners. And time. And patience. But it can be done. Most of what we read is negative. The “failures” after infidelity. But there are positive stories out there. Whether its reconciliation or being on your own. There is life after an affair. And it doesn’t have to suck. It doesn’t have to be full of sorrow and despair. It can be happy. Fulfilling. Better than before. It comes down to what you really want out of life and your marriage. And whether or not you are going to fight for it. It comes down to choice. Mindset. Continuing to grow as an individual. Then as a partner. But it all starts with the choice. You can be happy or you can be miserable, the amount of effort is the same.

Butterflies

04 Monday May 2015

Posted by hopingtoheal in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

adultery, affair, betrayed spouse, cheating, d-day, healing after affair, infidelity

The weather was absolutely perfect this past weekend. I spent alot of time outside. My daughter and I saw our first butterfly of the year. It was beautiful.

I was reminded that butterflies don’t start their lives as beautiful creatures. They start as caterpillars – insects. Over looked. Unappreciated.  Yet the caterpillar is capable of major transformation. The caterpillar wraps itself in a protective cocoon in order to change into the butterfly. Though the end result is quite extraordinary, the metamorphosis is actually quite gruesome. The caterpillar, while in its cocoon, digests itself. There isn’t much left of this insect. A few organs. Just some “soup” matter. If you were to cut open the cocoon, the caterpillar would essentially ooze out. Until the process is complete, the caterpillar stays in its protective cocoon. Once its ready, it breaks through and emerges as a beautiful butterfly. A delicate creature. One that is completely different than the caterpillar.

While I don’t consider myself an ugly caterpillar, I can still relate to this change. I hide in the darkness of the cocoon.  I’ve fallen apart. I’ve ooze pain. When I’m ready and my transformation is complete, I will re-emerge. I will re-emerge a transformed woman. I will have lived through the darkness and become something even more beautiful.

tumblr_nej8rg09vR1tpcxq1o1_500

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • September 2018
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014

Categories

  • Uncategorized

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • healingafterhisaffair
    • Join 118 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • healingafterhisaffair
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...