My son was born 8/16. He looks exactly like my husband. Exactly. I think I was simply an incubator and none of my DNA was used. Seriously. He made his arrival early but all is well. He’s healthy and so far a pretty easy going baby (which I’m thankful for – I don’t think I can handle much more stress in my life right now).
A New Beginning
My daughter started school this week. She is so excited and happy to be a big girl in kindergarten. She looks so damn cute in her uniform. She’s growing up so fast, I’d like to bottle her up and keep her just like she is today.
Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. I’m really not sure how I feel about it. Mostly sad. Sad at how our marriage turned out. Sad about how wrong things went. Sad about the damage done. Sad, wondering if there will be a happy ending to this story. This week also marks the one year anniversary of D-Day and it was two years ago around this time that he met up with her in SFO and had sex. He came home from his ever so fun weekend and romp with her to me and we went to an amusement park for our anniversary. We had sex and it was different. Now I can’t help but wonder if he had sex with her the same way. I guess I can be thankful that I didn’t get any STD’s from it. It still hurts. I didn’t expect it not to hurt anymore, but I am starting to wonder when the hurt will stop. I’m tired of feeling this way. I just want to be happy again. Its so unfair that I’m in this much pain from something I didn’t even do. Sucks…
I am haunted. I live with a ghost. The ghost of a person I’ve never met. She is someone I wish didn’t exist in my life. I didn’t invite her. She invaded my life without my consent or knowledge. I don’t know much about her. Other than the fact that she’s so damaged she was willing to have an affair with my husband. She knew about me. Saw my pictures. Saw pictures of my daughter. She listened to my husband complain about me. She gave him a shoulder to cry on, literally. Then gave him a warm place for his dick. She also encouraged her friend to carry on an affair with my husband’s business partner. The four of them must of been so cute hanging out together. Deceiving everyone that loved them. Deceiving the innocent spouses and children at home. The spouses remaining loyal and faithful. The spouses waiting for scraps of attention. The spouses that were just as unhappy in the marriage but CHOSE to honor their vows. CHOSE to honor their commitments. CHOSE to honor their responsibilities. CHOSE to live with integrity and character. Sometimes my integrity and character is all I have to hold onto. But, I guess at least I can say I have that. Which is more than what most people can say.