Someone recently asked if we could draw a line. Just say – what happened has happened. It can’t be changed. Just take the lessons learned and move forward. Can we let “it” go? Or more to the point, can I let his affair go? Can I let go of the pain and allow us to move forward?
I want to let the past be. I’m tired of living this way. Its hard to stay on the right side of the drawn line when I’m triggered. Or when he acts like a jerk, is insensitive, selfish or just otherwise an asshole.
But hanging on to the pain is only hurting me. I have felt that if I just let it go, he won’t realize how serious it was. Or how close he was and still is to losing me. That he won’t learn the lessons. Or that my pain doesn’t matter. That my experience is somehow minimized and unimportant. In reality, I can’t make him see or feel anything. If I feel that he doesn’t care about me or the pain he’s caused me then I really have to decide if I can live with it or not. If I can, then I have to let it be. If I can’t, its time to leave. Taking emotions out, it really is that simple.
I guess that’s where I am and the decision I have to make. Do I hold on to my marriage or do I hold on to my pain?