In all my readings and therapy, one theme is clear. At some point, you have to make the choice. You have to make the choice that you are going to heal. You must make the choice that you are going to move on. I made a choice early on that I refused to let his affair break me. I refused to let his affair change my morals. I chose to fight to not become bitter and resentful. I chose to not be a victim. I chose to show grace and forgiveness, while not allowing him “off the hook”. I chose to see more than my own point of view. I chose to learn what he was going through that lead him to make such damaging choices, while not excusing his affair.
I struggle with the choice of just letting this all be. I struggle with letting it go and moving on. I stayed with the hopes of a better relationship than we had “before”.
Does it really boil down to two choices? Choose to leave and find peace in that. Or, choose to stay and find peace in that. If choosing to stay, is it not a waste of energy to live in the past? Is it not a waste of the reason I am staying? If I want a better relationship and I want it with him, how am I creating that by living in the past? If I don’t want that, then why am I staying?